One day at work I realized I had way too much free time and was paying way too much attention to my surroundings, so I began documenting. Most of this was sent via text to my friend April and the rest was sent via text to my personal email or to Twitter. This is how it went down...
I think I’m going to start writing about my day at work...
Confessions at the Star
I should probably start with a little intro to familiarize you, the reader, with the characters documented in this journal. To keep identities confidential I can only describe their appearance, if necessary, and explain why they have the nickname assigned to them.
Applesauce: because he’s the boss, applesauce.
Bowtie guy: this guy wears bowties... A LOT and some very interesting clothing choices.
Guy that sits in front of me: rather obvious...he sat in front of me until they moved my desk.
Loud girl: She always talks really loud. Even from across the office I can hear the entire conversation, well, at least her part of the conversation.
New guy: the guy that now sits where Guy that sits in front of me use to sit.
Slow walker: never in my life have I seen anyone walk as slow as this man
THG: tall hot guy
Tiny guy/Fuju: he’s very short. Hobbit short. As for the Fuju part...well I’m not anti-jew but sometimes when I dislike someone for absolutely no logical reason, I pick out an obvious feature about them and that’s how I refer to them... Fuju is short for fucking jew. I don’t hate jews or any particular group of people. I do hate individual people for individual reasons. I do not hate Fuju. He just happen to be extremely annoying and fucking jew just popped into my head every time he annoyed me. I know I’m a horrible person...get over it.
Whispy: this guy has whispy hair
Red wagon: also know as red rooster, red lobster, or basically anything with red in front of it. He has red hair and it gets out of control.
There are a few other people that are mentioned once or twice but are not interesting enough to have a description.
I should also add that a lot of my time was spent not only in the office, but on the road, in hotels, and in the strange towns of southern Wyoming. Occasionally I was up in the middle of the night doing paper routes. Also, time employed at this newspaper was from July 2007 until June 2008. Hopefully after reading this, you will understand why I felt the time I was spending there was a complete waste of my life, but I did have a lot of fun and even miss it... but only a little.
Tuesday, 09OCT07
08:25am thg shreds some critical evidence
10:08am csr group gossips about side bundling
10:27am weirdo photographer appears to be starring at me from across the office
11:06am thg assigned the maintenance guy to shred his secrets
11:39am 3 guys have a conversation about using tasers in everyday life...in front of my desk
03:49pm i have a hunch that mike hates me
Friday, 12OCT07
11:47am u know how homeless people smell... that’s how mr. lee smells
12:46pm thg lurks around my desk trying to figure out who to give some magazines to
Monday, 15OCT07
10:21am applesauce nearly drove us off the road
Tuesday, 16OCT07
10:08pm he went in too fast then too hard...dirty guy
10:10pm omg just found a dryer sheet in my bed...at least i know it’s clean
Wednesday, 17OCT07
11:34am passing james lake...thinking of james
03:21pm almost hit a cow
Friday, 19OCT07
09:24am tiny guy announces to guy that sits in front of me that he just bought that top and they’ll have to coordinate...
Sunday, 28OCT07
12:49am blew a tire about 8 miles south of casper on I-25
02:22am saw a boy in lederhosen... missing germany hardcore
Tuesday, 30OCT07
11:44am applesauce gets pulled over for speeding
12:41pm look familiar
Thursday, 01NOV07
01:51pm fuju (previously referred to as tiny guy) is called a fucking asshole by a reader
Thursday, 08NOV07
10:57am i have no idea what whispy is talking about
03:05pm slow walker makes a five minute pass by my desk
Friday, 09NOV07
09:13am everyone could use a double shot of vodka
01:11pm i was verbally assaulted by someones voicemail
02:47pm whispy fake ran into my desk
Wednesday, 14NOV07
08:36am being on the road means pie and a black cow for breakfast
Monday, 19NOV07
09:46am spent the last 20 min ripping my pockets open
Monday, 26NOV07
11:17am i just saw santa driving a pick up truck
01:00pm thinking about a cigarette and a beer
02:50pm i really have the urge to throw a pen at the new loud girl across the office...no one cares what kind of music u like!
04:00pm another weird encounter with whispy
ps. shut up applesauce
Wednesday, 28NOV07
05:09pm oilfield christian fellowship of houston book found in my room.
Thursday, 29NOV07
09:43am and on the third day i had to stop and ask myself wwjd
Sunday, 02DEC07
02:03pm whispy asks questions about my box and by box i mean vehicle
Monday, 03DEC07
03:03pm thg pass number 8 today
Tuesday, 04DEC07
08:21am what chu gonna do with all that ass all that ass inside them jeans
08:58am murdered a tiny bird
Thursday, 06DEC07
10:41pm the strange animals of fort laramie
#1
#2
#3
Friday, 07DEC07
12:09pm too many secrets
12:18pm sky rockets in flight...a little afternoon delight...if u know what i mean
Monday, 10DEC07
08:29am i have no idea what I’m going to do all day
03:25pm the urine odor is making it’s way toward my desk... no idea where it’s coming from
Tuesday, 11DEC07
08:00am carrier shares with me that she has to run home to use the bathroom and deal with female issues... that’s when i ended the phone call
Woah! 10:54am thg just took a 20min dookie
11:02am whispy got a haircut
11:19am apparently fuju is whispy’s snuggle bunny
Wednesday, 12DEC07
04:57pm fuju asks what if aliens showed up in casper tomorrow
Thursday, 13DEC07
04:20pm thg totally has the model walk down
Friday, 14DEC07
01:09pm i feel dumber after hearing loud girl say he has glasses. the kind for ur eyes that u put on to read.
01:41pm slow walker gives me a look that says the slower i walk the less work i have to do
02:32pm my new car is here!
Tuesday, 18DEC07
12:27pm was just ganged up on and questioned about the new ride. Applesauce walked by and told them to leave me alone... it’s like school... and I’m too cool or something.
01:15pm got my new laptop. let the dirty looks fly... whatev
Wednesday, 19DEC07
02:20pm fuju is having an exciting day...
Friday, 21DEC07
11:48am just realized design guy is wearing mom jeans...boy style...
01:07pm i feel like everyone knows I’m listening to avril at work
Monday, 31DEC07
03:43pm about to vomit from the potent ham and bean odor
Wednesday, 02JAN08
10:17am thg in a purple shirt... yeah... and potty break so early. must be drinking a bunch of coffee after that late night.
Thursday, 03JAN08
08:51am farted in the supply closet. smelled so horrible that I’m pretty sure that’s why that bastard moved away from his desk which is right next to the room. ha ha
09:04am battle with the bathroom air freshener continues. this is the third hit but I’m not down yet.
07:47am witnessed guys on horses herd some cattle across a bi-way
04:51pm pretty sure thg is freaked out by me... or has social issues
05:38pm omg! green spandex... don’t these people own a mirror
Friday, 04JAN08
04:52pm ha ha red wagon has red chucks... bowtie guy has yellow chucks. I’m wearing my black chucks...must be a chuck day
Tuesday, 08JAN08
02:35pm that’s right... I’m making tea while driving.
(PICTURE MISSING)
Wednesday, 09JAN08
09:08am didn’t know they still made stirrup pants
Thursday, 10JAN08
02:17pm emily 1 bathroom air freshener 3
Friday, 11JAN08
04:13pm a bunch of emo kids flip me off
Wednesday, 16JAN08
11:50am why did u grow a beard?
02:18pm THG walks with fists
Friday, 18JAN08
11:52am i have a hunch that something is going on between applesauce and business guy
04:26pm realizing how behind the times these people are
Monday, 21JAN08
01:19pm make-up girl just spent 20 min getting pretty
Monday, 28JAN08
08:10am some new guy is sitting in front slash to the side of me
Tuesday, 29JAN08
05:09pm still weirded out by the lunch new guy and some weird girl had at his desk
Thursday, 31JAN08
03:47pm i think applesauce just said tripping balls
Friday, 01FEB08
10:25am i set up playboy radio in the company vehicle
Friday, 08FEB08
10:29am coasted into gillette on an empty tank
Tuesday, 12FEB08
02:46pm red wagon appears to have gained a little weight
Wednesday, 13FEB08
01:35pm omg loud girl is back
Friday, 15FEB08
11:43am just got the weirdest look for talking on my pink phone
01:03pm someone is singing... take a look at me now... uh phil collins?
02:23pm I’m tasting the rainbow
Monday, 18FEB08
04:27pm applesauce got us stuck in a snow drift and said he would kill me if i put this in my book... ha ha ha
Wednesday, 20FEB08
09:53am omg i can’t see!
Friday, 07MAR08
03:22pm smiley face balloon is starring at me from across the office
Monday, 10MAR08
01:25pm i inappropriately burst into laughter at the site of two customers in the atrium
08:26pm I’m in cheyenne and there is food in the fridge...eww...
Friday, 21MAR08
08:37am I'm secretly informed that someone working here was convicted of homicide by vehicle
Tuesday, 08APR08
02:02pm talking about constipation way too loud
Monday, 14APR08
04:40pm listening to applesauce expel weird noises from his office while waiting for the time to pass
Monday, 12MAY08
11:49am i think i might give my 2 weeks today
Monday, 12MAY08
05:28pm i was given a 20% raise today... oh ad i gave my notice
Tuesday, 13MAY08
02:09pm marty is only half blue
Tuesday, 13MAY08
02:12pm i could shred secret documents all day long... it's so relaxing
Wednesday, 14MAY08
10:55am wow the large iced coffee from mc d's is delicioius! if it wasn't for small towns i probably wouldn't have tried it
Wednesday, 14MAY08
11:24am sometimes the middle of nowhere smells like pee
Friday, 16MAY08
02:56pm all small towns have a subway and/or a pizza hut
Sunday, 18MAY08
10:20pm first speeding ticket today... yay! it was only a matter of time with this lead foot and all of these empty highways
Tuesday, 20MAY08
12:36pm i'm nearly positive i can make myself invisible. people are always parking next to my desk and having private converations
Tuesday, 20MAY08
12:37pm i know too much
Thursday, 22MAY08
03:08am blowing misty fog... yeah that makes it easier for me to deal with this bullshit @ 3am... i give u permission to pull the trigger
Thursday, 22MAY08
08:34am oh how fitting... Butthole Surfers - i hate my job on the radio
Monday, 26MAY08
01:17am technically i've already done my two weeks, but since i'm such a nice person... it is now officially two weeks until i'm jobless... hooray!
Monday, 26MAY08
10:55am it would be really nice if someone would have told me that i didn't have to be in the office today... oh well... i do have work to do.
Monday, 26MAY08
11:26am mmmm... just made a strong pot of coffee and watched web guy pour a cup, take a sip and grimace... ha ha ha... weak fool
Wednesday, 28MAY08
08:44pm reason #72 why i'm quitting - 5am phone calls with someone on the other end freaking out at me... not cool.
Wednesday, 28MAY08
07:33pm reason #12 why i'm quitting - having one person do the work of several people that have left is not an effective way of cutting costs.
Thursday, 29MAY08
02:07pm it's very rude when people walk by my desk and drop a bomb... the airflow in here sucks so odors tend to linger
Friday, 30MAY08
11:42am ha ha ha i was typing bob and accidentally typed boob ha ha ha i crack myself up
Wednesday, 04JUN08
04:32pm 2 more days... just 2 more days of this crap
Friday, 06JUN08
04:33pm ahh... freedom.
No comments:
Post a Comment