13 December 2008

finally... it's what you've all been waiting for... right

One day at work I realized I had way too much free time and was paying way too much attention to my surroundings, so I began documenting.  Most of this was sent via text to my friend April and the rest was sent via text to my personal email or to Twitter. This is how it went down...

I think I’m going to start writing about my day at work... 

Confessions at the Star 

I should probably start with a little intro to familiarize you, the reader, with the characters documented in this journal.  To keep identities confidential I can only describe their appearance, if necessary, and explain why they have the nickname assigned to them.

Applesauce: because he’s the boss, applesauce.

Bowtie guy: this guy wears bowties... A LOT and some very interesting clothing choices.

Guy that sits in front of me: rather obvious...he sat in front of me until they moved my desk.

Loud girl: She always talks really loud.  Even from across the office I can hear the entire conversation, well, at least her part of the conversation.

New guy: the guy that now sits where Guy that sits in front of me use to sit.

Slow walker: never in my life have I seen anyone walk as slow as this man

THG: tall hot guy

Tiny guy/Fuju: he’s very short.  Hobbit short.  As for the Fuju part...well I’m not anti-jew but sometimes when I dislike someone for absolutely no logical reason, I pick out an obvious feature about them and that’s how I refer to them... Fuju is short for fucking jew.  I don’t hate jews or any particular group of people.  I do hate individual people for individual reasons.  I do not hate Fuju.  He just happen to be extremely annoying and fucking jew just popped into my head every time he annoyed me.  I know I’m a horrible person...get over it.

Whispy: this guy has whispy hair

Red wagon: also know as red rooster, red lobster, or basically anything with red in front of it.  He has red hair and it gets out of control. 

There are a few other people that are mentioned once or twice but are not interesting enough to have a description.  

I should also add that a lot of my time was spent not only in the office, but on the road, in hotels, and in the strange towns of southern Wyoming. Occasionally I was up in the middle of the night doing paper routes. Also, time employed at this newspaper was from July 2007 until June 2008. Hopefully after reading this, you will understand why I felt the time I was spending there was a complete waste of my life, but I did have a lot of fun and even miss it... but only a little.

Tuesday, 09OCT07

08:25am thg shreds some critical evidence

10:08am csr group gossips about side bundling

10:27am weirdo photographer appears to be starring at me from across the office

11:06am thg assigned the maintenance guy to shred his secrets

11:39am 3 guys have a conversation about using tasers in everyday life...in front of my desk

03:49pm i have a hunch that mike hates me

Friday, 12OCT07

11:47am u know how homeless people smell... that’s how mr. lee smells

12:46pm thg lurks around my desk trying to figure out who to give some magazines to

Monday, 15OCT07

10:21am applesauce nearly drove us off the road

Tuesday, 16OCT07

10:08pm he went in too fast then too hard...dirty guy

10:10pm omg just found a dryer sheet in my bed...at least i know it’s clean

Wednesday, 17OCT07

11:34am passing james lake...thinking of james

03:21pm almost hit a cow 

Friday, 19OCT07

09:24am tiny guy announces to guy that sits in front of me that he just bought that top and they’ll have to coordinate...

Sunday, 28OCT07

12:49am blew a tire about 8 miles south of casper on I-25

02:22am saw a boy in lederhosen... missing germany hardcore

Tuesday, 30OCT07

11:44am applesauce gets pulled over for speeding

12:41pm look familiar 

Thursday, 01NOV07

01:51pm fuju (previously referred to as tiny guy) is called a fucking asshole by a reader

Thursday, 08NOV07

10:57am i have no idea what whispy is talking about

03:05pm slow walker makes a five minute pass by my desk

Friday, 09NOV07

09:13am everyone could use a double shot of vodka

01:11pm i was verbally assaulted by someones voicemail

02:47pm whispy fake ran into my desk

Wednesday, 14NOV07

08:36am being on the road means pie and a black cow for breakfast

Monday, 19NOV07

09:46am spent the last 20 min ripping my pockets open

Monday, 26NOV07

11:17am i just saw santa driving a pick up truck

01:00pm thinking about a cigarette and a beer

02:50pm i really have the urge to throw a pen at the new loud girl across the office...no one cares what kind of music u like!

04:00pm another weird encounter with whispy 

ps. shut up applesauce

Wednesday, 28NOV07

05:09pm oilfield christian fellowship of houston book found in my room.

Thursday, 29NOV07

09:43am and on the third day i had to stop and ask myself wwjd

Sunday, 02DEC07

02:03pm whispy asks questions about my box and by box i mean vehicle

Monday, 03DEC07

03:03pm thg pass number 8 today

Tuesday, 04DEC07

08:21am what chu gonna do with all that ass all that ass inside them jeans

08:58am murdered a tiny bird

Thursday, 06DEC07

10:41pm the strange animals of fort laramie




Friday, 07DEC07

12:09pm too many secrets

12:18pm sky rockets in flight...a little afternoon delight...if u know what i mean

Monday, 10DEC07

08:29am i have no idea what I’m going to do all day

03:25pm the urine odor is making it’s way toward my desk... no idea where it’s coming from

Tuesday, 11DEC07

08:00am carrier shares with me that she has to run home to use the bathroom and deal with female issues... that’s when i ended the phone call

Woah! 10:54am thg just took a 20min dookie

11:02am whispy got a haircut

11:19am apparently fuju is whispy’s snuggle bunny

Wednesday, 12DEC07

04:57pm fuju asks what if aliens showed up in casper tomorrow

Thursday, 13DEC07

04:20pm thg totally has the model walk down

Friday, 14DEC07

01:09pm i feel dumber after hearing loud girl say he has glasses.  the kind for ur eyes that u put on to read.

01:41pm slow walker gives me a look that says the slower i walk the less work i have to do

02:32pm my new car is here!

Tuesday, 18DEC07

12:27pm was just ganged up on and questioned about the new ride.  Applesauce walked by and told them to leave me alone... it’s like school... and I’m too cool or something.

01:15pm got my new laptop. let the dirty looks fly... whatev

Wednesday, 19DEC07

02:20pm fuju is having an exciting day...

Friday, 21DEC07

11:48am just realized design guy is wearing mom jeans...boy style...

01:07pm i feel like everyone knows I’m listening to avril at work

Monday, 31DEC07

03:43pm about to vomit from the potent ham and bean odor

Wednesday, 02JAN08

10:17am thg in a purple shirt... yeah... and potty break so early. must be drinking a bunch of coffee after that late night.

Thursday, 03JAN08

08:51am farted in the supply closet. smelled so horrible that I’m pretty sure that’s why that bastard moved away from his desk which is right next to the room.  ha ha

09:04am battle with the bathroom air freshener continues.  this is the third hit but I’m not down yet.

07:47am witnessed guys on horses herd some cattle across a bi-way

04:51pm pretty sure thg is freaked out by me... or has social issues

05:38pm omg! green spandex... don’t these people own a mirror

Friday, 04JAN08

04:52pm ha ha red wagon has red chucks... bowtie guy has yellow chucks.  I’m wearing my black chucks...must be a chuck day

Tuesday, 08JAN08

02:35pm that’s right... I’m making tea while driving.


Wednesday, 09JAN08

09:08am didn’t know they still made stirrup pants

Thursday, 10JAN08

02:17pm emily 1 bathroom air freshener 3

Friday, 11JAN08

04:13pm a bunch of emo kids flip me off

Wednesday, 16JAN08

11:50am why did u grow a beard?

02:18pm THG walks with fists

Friday, 18JAN08

11:52am i have a hunch that something is going on between applesauce and business guy

04:26pm realizing how behind the times these people are

Monday, 21JAN08

01:19pm make-up girl just spent 20 min getting pretty

Monday, 28JAN08

08:10am some new guy is sitting in front slash to the side of me

Tuesday, 29JAN08

05:09pm still weirded out by the lunch new guy and some weird girl had at his desk

Thursday, 31JAN08

03:47pm i think applesauce just said tripping balls

Friday, 01FEB08

10:25am i set up playboy radio in the company vehicle

Friday, 08FEB08

10:29am coasted into gillette on an empty tank

Tuesday, 12FEB08

02:46pm red wagon appears to have gained a little weight

Wednesday, 13FEB08

01:35pm omg loud girl is back

Friday, 15FEB08

11:43am just got the weirdest look for talking on my pink phone

01:03pm someone is singing... take a look at me now... uh phil collins?

02:23pm I’m tasting the rainbow

Monday, 18FEB08

04:27pm applesauce got us stuck in a snow drift and said he would kill me if i put this in my book... ha ha ha

Wednesday, 20FEB08

09:53am omg i can’t see!

Friday, 07MAR08

03:22pm smiley face balloon is starring at me from across the office

Monday, 10MAR08

01:25pm i inappropriately burst into laughter at the site of two customers in the atrium

08:26pm I’m in cheyenne and there is food in the fridge...eww...

Friday, 21MAR08

08:37am I'm secretly informed that someone working here was convicted of homicide by vehicle

Tuesday, 08APR08

02:02pm talking about constipation way too loud

Monday, 14APR08

04:40pm listening to applesauce expel weird noises from his office while waiting for the time to pass

Monday, 12MAY08

11:49am i think i might give my 2 weeks today

Monday, 12MAY08

05:28pm i was given a 20% raise today... oh ad i gave my notice

Tuesday, 13MAY08

02:09pm marty is only half blue

Tuesday, 13MAY08

02:12pm i could shred secret documents all day long... it's so relaxing

Wednesday, 14MAY08

10:55am wow the large iced coffee from mc d's is delicioius! if it wasn't for small towns i probably wouldn't have tried it

Wednesday, 14MAY08

11:24am sometimes the middle of nowhere smells like pee

Friday, 16MAY08

02:56pm all small towns have a subway and/or a pizza hut

Sunday, 18MAY08

10:20pm first speeding ticket today... yay! it was only a matter of time with this lead foot and all of these empty highways

Tuesday, 20MAY08

12:36pm i'm nearly positive i can make myself invisible. people are always parking next to my desk and having private converations

Tuesday, 20MAY08

12:37pm i know too much

Thursday, 22MAY08

03:08am blowing misty fog... yeah that makes it easier for me to deal with this bullshit @ 3am... i give u permission to pull the trigger

Thursday, 22MAY08

08:34am oh how fitting... Butthole Surfers - i hate my job on the radio

Monday, 26MAY08

01:17am technically i've already done my two weeks, but since i'm such a nice person... it is now officially two weeks until i'm jobless... hooray!

Monday, 26MAY08

10:55am it would be really nice if someone would have told me that i didn't have to be in the office today... oh well... i do have work to do.

Monday, 26MAY08

11:26am mmmm... just made a strong pot of coffee and watched web guy pour a cup, take a sip and grimace... ha ha ha... weak fool

Wednesday, 28MAY08

08:44pm reason #72 why i'm quitting - 5am phone calls with someone on the other end freaking out at me... not cool.

Wednesday, 28MAY08

07:33pm reason #12 why i'm quitting - having one person do the work of several people that have left is not an effective way of cutting costs.

Thursday, 29MAY08

02:07pm it's very rude when people walk by my desk and drop a bomb... the airflow in here sucks so odors tend to linger

Friday, 30MAY08

11:42am ha ha ha i was typing bob and accidentally typed boob ha ha ha i crack myself up

Wednesday, 04JUN08

04:32pm 2 more days... just 2 more days of this crap

Friday, 06JUN08

04:33pm ahh... freedom.

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